On Being a Mama

I promise this is not going to become a Motherhood Blog where I reflect all the time on my ever-so-unique situation of motherhood and the wonder of my Amazing Child. Heaven knows there are plenty of those blogs out there and don’t we all just love to read them? Actually there are some great and interesting ones out there, including some UU blogs that deal with motherhood/parenthood which I love. But I do get a kick out of some of the blogs I see that are not just for friends or family, but apparently for the world to see the Wonder of Child X and deal, in great detail, with the daily minutiae of parenthood. Fitting for children of babyboomers who often forget that the world does not revolve around them and their WonderBabies.

But. Still I wanted to briefly point out two cool blogs on motherhood:

Raising My Boy Chick – written by a feminist, queer-identified, male-partnered mama raising a boy. Sounds familiar to me.

And Mothers for Women’s Lib which is a blog out of the UK that I just saw this morning with this post On Raising Male Children. Exciting, I think. And then I read, “I’ve read a lot in the radical feminist blogosphere about how radical feminist women ought to refuse to care for male children.” Are. You. Kidding. Me? What a great way to give feminism a good and reasonable name. I mean, where are these bloggers that refuse to raise male children and what, might I ask, do they DO with them? As a feminist mama four weeks into raising a precious little boy, and as a feminist scholar (in-progress), this seems like both a bad idea in practical and moral terms (that is, giving away your child), but also pretty unhelpful in terms of feminism. How are we to reshape our world if we only raise feminist daughters? The blog Mothers for Women’s Lib makes a very similar point, btw.

This raises an important question as to how we might raise feminist sons. Or, if you are not happy with the f-word, I mean sons that are responsible, loving, kind, into equality, justice, race/gender/class awareness and analysis, and that sort of thing. It is hard to undo how our world makes far too many men. I hope we can do better in raising our little one. I, of course, welcome comments about how you do this. So much learning to do. Such high stakes.

But for now, he is asleep on my chest in his little carrier, precious, lovely, perfect, and innocent. A pretty special time. Even if I am delirious with sleep depravation and my poor cats are traumatized by having their position as my babies usurped.

Time to nurse.



10 Responses to On Being a Mama

  1. Lizard Eater says:

    “I, of course, welcome comments about how you do this.”

    IMHO … you just live your life, trying to be true to your values. You love that little boy with all your heart. And you never forget that your job is to teach him how to fly.

    The rest takes care of itself. He’ll surprise you. You will look at him with awe and say, “I didn’t teach him that, how did he figure it out?” Well, he was watching you. Whether it’s how to open a cabinet or how to treat other people with respect.

    (Even his mama. Even when she’s looking at him trying to figure out how to get a 13 year old back into a front carrier.)

    Enjoy today.

  2. Anji says:

    Are. You. Kidding. Me? What a great way to give feminism a good and reasonable name. I mean, where are these bloggers that refuse to raise male children and what, might I ask, do they DO with them?

    The ‘radical feminists’ I have encountered online are much a different breed to the radical feminists I know in real life, who would never come out with this crap. But I wrote that post because I have read several ‘calls’ from Internet Radfems for women to refuse to raise male children. I believe they want us all to hand them over to men and make men raise them so we can concentrate on the girlchildren, or something.

  3. Elizabeth says:

    Thanks for both of your comments :) And thanks for both of your blogs, too! I have enjoyed reading LE’s for YEARS and Anji’s this morning.

  4. Elizabeth says:

    Rather I should say I have enjoyed, but also learned so much, from your blogs.

  5. mskitty says:

    I echo what other readers have said, Elizabeth. It is up to feminist moms (and dads) to raise feminist boys. There must be a lot of pain and anger inside women who are so female-centered that they cannot tolerate even their own sons. It’s probably better if someone else raises those little guys, because an angry mom will usually raise a neglected child, who will then be angry about women. Pretty simplistic psychology there, I know, but I have seen it happen.

  6. kari says:

    I remember when my oldest son was just a few days old, I heard a song I loved that was about young soldiers who died in WW I, and I sobbed and sobbed. It was the first time I really knew in my soul that this tiny baby at my breast was going to grow up to be a man. I mean of course I knew, but in that moment–I knew. He could be sent to war (which of course now all these years later so could a little daughter) he would grow into a man, and he would leave my world. He’s 17 now, well on his way to leaving. But what a kind soul he is, and good, and hard working. His younger brothers, too. I have no idea what I did, really. Or if I’ve done well. But I’ve been a strong woman who loves him. You’ll be fine, it will all be well. It will be the most work you’ve ever done, to find that balance, and your heart will break a million times and you probably will never for one second regret any of it.

  7. Elizabeth says:

    Thanks everyone for the comments. They were very helpful. I know it will not be perfect, but your words have helped me feel okay with moving forward… loving, hoping, cherishing, modeling the sort of world I would like to live in. Hard work, ehh? But so worth it.

  8. Shaya says:

    Who will the heterosexual feminist daughters that are raised by feminist mothers marry if there are no equality concious raised sons?

    Can’t quite understand the logic behind feminists not raising sons on several levels. Isn’t the goal to have everyone be “responsible, loving, kind, into equality, justice, race/gender/class awareness and analysis, and that sort of thing”? Elimenating half the population doesn’t seem to get that accomplished.

  9. Anji says:

    Well Shaya I would hope they wouldn’t marry anyone, realising that marriage in and of itself is a heterosexist and nisogynist institution. Replace ‘marry’ with ‘have relationships with’ though, and I’m right with you. The assumption that heterosexual women must get married to be happy/be complete human beings is rather antifeminist in itself. ;)

  10. No Male Children for Me, Thanks says:

    Yeah I feel genuinely sorry for females who now must raise males in this world. they will likely grow up to hate women. *shudder*

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