You might kill your baby!

March 12, 2010

The New York Times style section recently had an article about babywearing and then the Motherlode blog at NYTimes (which I really pretty strongly dislike) writes about (scary music please) UNSAFE BABY SLINGS. I often carry my little snuggle bug in a baby carrier – we like really could not have survived the first year of parenting without the Ergo and Moby. We could never figure out the Maya wrap well, tried the Baby K’tan with little luck, and could never figure out why we would use the Kozy since it seems like a much less comfortable and workable version of the Ergo.

All of this is to say that we are sort of into what is called babywearing, although I just like to think of it as carrying your baby with you. This worked well for us because our boy would cry cry cry very easily and just liked to be close to us AND I hated trying to navigate the damn stroller around places. Found it to be a huge hassle and much easier just to tote him with me. So, in a way, I am psyched that the Times is highlighting baby carriers because I think they are a great invention and I think more families might really like to have them.

What I just can’t stand is that the NYTimes article makes it into this THING. Is it SAFE??? Are sling-wearing mamas against EVIL STROLLER MOMS???

This is not helpful. I think the bottom line is is that there are quite a few things you can do to harm your baby. Driving, for instance, can be very dangerous. Putting your baby in a crib can be bad. Having your baby sleep in your bed can be bad. Bad things can happen if you vaccinate. Bad things can happen if you don’t vaccinate. Your kid can fall out of a tree. But if you are too protective he or she can end up being sheltered and turn out weird.

I think it is reasonable that bad things can also happen with baby slings if you don’t, you know, read about them and learn the safe way to carry your child in the sling. Some moms hate strollers. Some moms love them. If you put your child in a stroller ALL THE TIME and listen to your ipod and never ever talk to your child, probably that is not ideal. But it is my sense that this is not what happens to most children in strollers, so lets just all chill out a little bit, ehh?

My point is that I wish people would stop making parenting some sort of DRAMA competition (good moms vs. bad moms) and high risk danger-fest. This is not good for parents. Not good for kids. I happen to like many of the attachment approaches to parenting. Although I understand why this does not/cannot work for a lot of families.

So, New York Times, could you please tone it down? If you want to report on increased sling usage, can we just say that it is increasing – it is great that there are so many (increasingly stylish) options for ways to tote your child around and more ideas about how to love our children the best we can. And, like with everything, we should read about it. And take reasonable precautions.

So yay for parents who are trying hard. Cuddling their children. Exploring options. Supporting each other. And de-dramatizing approaches to parenting. Because it isn’t some sort of competition or sport. It is about how we can be in the world with peace, how we can love and be loved, how we can flourish and find ways for our children to flourish.


New York Times Watch: Exclusive breastfeeding may not be best for your baby. Ugg.

August 27, 2008

I am so appalled by this New York Times article. There is an absolute public health consensus that exclusive breastfeeding through six months is best and highly beneficial (see WHO guidelines, AAP guidelines) and breastfeeding (with introduction of some solid foods) through one year (AAP guidelines) or two years (WHO guidelines) is ideal.  The Times article raises questions about vitamin D deficiency in exclusively breastfed babies.  The author writes:

Physicians have known for more than a century that exclusive breast-feeding may be associated with vitamin D deficiency and rickets, and that the condition is easily prevented and treated with inexpensive vitamin drops or cod liver oil. But doctors are reluctant to say anything that might discourage breast-feeding.

Now some researchers are also linking vitamin D deficiency with other chronic diseases like diabetes, autoimmune disorders and even cancer, and there have been calls to include blood tests of vitamin D levels in routine checkups.

There is nothing wrong, of course, with pointing out that there are low levels of vitamin D in some mothers and breastfed babies and that this should be attended to. But I just kept waiting for the punch line when the author of the article points out that, “Although there is a risk of vitamin D deficiency, it is always far better to exclusively breastfeed babies through six months, and partial breastfeed through at least a year, and deal potential vitamin D deficiency through regular exposure to the sun, a balanced diet on the part of the mother, and supplementation (either of mother or infant, depending on situation), than to not breastfeed due to potential vitamin D deficiency.”

But the author never says anything like this.

She does quote a mom who says, “I thought I was doing the best thing for her,” after blood tests showed her daughter had no detectable vitamin D. Implying, of course, that she was not doing the best thing for her by breastfeeding.

And the author quotes a doctor who says, “I completely support breast-feeding, and I think breast milk is the perfect food, and the healthiest way to nourish an infant. However, we’re finding so many mothers are vitamin D deficient themselves that the milk is therefore deficient, so many babies can’t keep their levels up. They may start their lives vitamin D deficient, and then all they’re getting is vitamin D deficient breast milk,” which, if you read the first part, is sort of an endorsement of breastfeeding although it is quickly followed up by its “dangers.”

It isn’t as if anything said in the article is wrong. And if you already know how important it is to breastfeed (when possible, of course – some moms do not have the ability or luxury of breastfeeding, and this is in no way a critique of them) then this article isn’t going to discourage you. However, if you aren’t sure this article could be read as, “Better be safe than sorry and just do formula.” Which is not good for so many reasons (Mothering Magazine covers this well – see, for instance here, here or here.)

It reminds me of this new style (or maybe it is old, but I notice it more these days) of writers trying to be somehow “neutral” by saying, “Well, so and so says this,” and “another so and so says this” and leaving it at that like, “Well, we’ll just let the reader decide,” even when it comes to things where there is a clear consensus.

I just feel like the slight gains in making mamas and families feel like breastfeeding is a good, viable option for feeding their babies are fragile and I wish the Times would be a little bit more careful in their approach to such important topics. And, although I don’t like the Times article, it is mostly upsetting in the wider context that there is a lack of awareness of the importance of breastfeeding and climate of non-support of breastfeeding mothers. And this just doesn’t help things much.


And when they scrape their knee, you can also hire someone to comfort them.

July 17, 2008

The NYTimes is running an article about people who hire a nanny to comfort their baby at night. One woman says

“[The nanny] swaddles the baby and sings to him and that’s the whole point for us — she has a lot more energy and patience at that point in the day than my husband or I do. We are wiped out.”

And, hey, I understand being wiped out and having a high pressure job and all but, um, why did you have kids? It isn’t like it is going to get easier. Are you going to hire someone to potty train them? Learn to ride a bike? Go to parent teacher conferences? To me, comforting your baby and attending to his or her needs is an essential part of being a parent. I am not against having a nanny or help for some tasks. I am not for this parents-have-to-be-heroes and be perfect and all-attentive. But it seems like six nights a week of someone caring for your baby is sort of like having a baby and then hiring someone to parent him or her, especially if you work during the day so you aren’t home with the baby then either. You can’t parent only on Sundays.

I just think it is part of this on-going thing where people think they can still be good parents without making any changes to their lives. (See article that Ms. T pointed out a few months ago about how children are not decor (shock!), including this weirdo family that refused to put up stair railings because it just looked so bad. Do seat belts also wrinkle their clothes, too?)


Chronic Fatigue Syndrom Is Not Your Imagination. How about that.

June 5, 2008

The New York Times reports that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome No Longer Seen as ‘Yuppie Flu’.

That’s nice. What would be even nicer is if doctors would listen to patients who have a bunch of really miserable symptoms and assume that they might actually be sick with something even if it isn’t something that they know about, rather than dismissing them as depressed, wimpy, or overly-sensitive.


PatientsLikeMe: A different sort of website for chronically ill people

March 23, 2008

This article in the New York Times profiles a new website PatientsLikeMe.com which is more than your typical online community for people with particular illnesses. As someone who struggled with chronic illness for a long time, I am all too familiar with the affirmation that comes with finding people who are struggling with the same (often undiagnosed or improperly diagnosed) illness that you are – and with the deep sadness, heartache, drama, and misinformation that often comes with people who have not been adequately treated by the traditional Western medical establishment. This new website, though, goes a step further than just providing a space for people to congregate, support, and share information anecdotally. From the Times

At first glance, the Web site looks like just any other online community, a kind of MySpace for the afflicted. Members have user names, post pictures of themselves and post updates and encouragements. As such, it’s related to the chat rooms and online communities that have inhabited the Internet for more than a decade.

But PatientsLikeMe seeks to go a mile deeper than health-information sites like WebMD or online support groups like Daily Strength. The members of PatientsLikeMe don’t just share their experiences anecdotally; they quantify them, breaking down their symptoms and treatments into hard data. They note what hurts, where and for how long. They list their drugs and dosages and score how well they alleviate their symptoms. All this gets compiled over time, aggregated and crunched into tidy bar graphs and progress curves by the software behind the site. And it’s all open for comparison and analysis. By telling so much, the members of PatientsLikeMe are creating a rich database of disease treatment and patient experience.

I think this will be particularly helpful for people whose diagnosis is with something fuzzy or not well understood – perhaps even give people with a collection of symptoms and no exact diagnosis to see that “Yes, there are people who have similar symptoms and X treatment has worked with X number of people.” This is so much more helpful than “My cousin tried this doctor in Upstate New York and she said yada yada yada,” which is very much how people with undiagnosed chronic illnesses often find relief (or not). It would be interesting to see if there is a place to include diagnosis in the tradition of Chinese medicine, since many find that this often speaks better (and better addresses) their problem when Western medicine can’t come up with much. I sort of wish that it wasn’t, in part, funded by pharmaceutical companies, but I must say that I prefer that to it being a pay-site. Although ads might be better than funding by pharma. That said, if it helps them develop better, less harmful, more effective treatments for people…the better, I suppose


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